Being an introvert in the most extroverted city in the world: Michelle Darrisaw, Writer

Interviewed by Steph Swiatek

Tell us about yourself. 

I’m a true Southerner. I was born and raised in a small town in Georgia that, geographically, you won’t find on a map. It’s near Savannah and two hours south of Atlanta. Although I moved to Brooklyn, New York, in January 2018, I’ve yet to stop using the colloquial “y’all” in conversation, nor have I given up my quest to find good Southern food. 

I don’t understand the hype surrounding avocados. Engaging in small talk gives me the hives. I’m a pop-culture junkie and Beyoncé fanatic, and reality TV is just a pleasure for me with none of the guilt. I’m extremely shy and socially awkward, but any discussions centered around food and entertainment tend to bring me out of my shell. I enjoy making up random stories in my head about the New Yorkers I see with their dogs. Pairing people's personalities to a good book or TV show is a skill I probably should start including on my resume. 

Would you describe yourself as an introvert or extrovert, and why? 

As an only child, I’ve struggled with social awkwardness and being an introvert most of my life. I would say I’m naturally shy and quiet, more so than reserved. However, depending on the situation or environment, I can transform into an ambivert. For example, if I have to lead a presentation at work or speak on a panel, I can usually overcome my anxiety. In other words, if I have to network at social events, it doesn't send me on a downward spiral or force me into the nearest corner to hide. 

Becoming a writer was the only choice for me. I live in my head. My friends would characterize me as thoughtful, discerning, imaginative, and introspective. And, yes, I embody every bit of my zodiac sign Aquarius. I’d much rather stay in the comfort of my home with a book or listen to music than go out, and I’m far more comfortable at smaller gatherings with people I know than mingling at a big party or event with strangers.

“Becoming a writer was the only choice for me. I live in my head.”

What inspired your move to NYC and, as an introvert, how would you describe your first year in the city? 

I love most things about growing up below the Mason-Dixon line, but I’ve always wanted to live in New York. Most of my interests and passions are rooted here in this chaotic city, including fashion, media, and entertainment. Honestly, the character of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City and hip-hop inspired my love for the Concrete Jungle. I saw the city through the eyes of the fashionable love-struck romance writer, and rap music painted vivid pictures of the streets and culture here. But I didn’t want to move until I got the right career offer and when it made sense for me financially. Fortunately, an opportunity opened up at ESSENCE magazine in December 2017, just a few months after I visited the city for the first time in July 2017.

Ironically, making the transition from the South as an introvert wasn’t that difficult. I had a very realistic idea of New York, not some dreamy one, despite the Carrie Bradshaw influence.  Since moving here, I’ve cultivated my own network and circle of friends at previous jobs and from attending professional events here in the city. And even though this city boasts millions of people from all different ethnicities and backgrounds, including fellow transients like me, New York can be a very lonely place. You’re always surrounded by people, whether on the sidewalk, on the train, or in your apartment building. That’s why I try to carve out alone time whenever I can to preserve my energy and sanity. The fast pace and cultural differences often left me drained mentally, emotionally, and physically. There's some truth to the saying that if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere—even as an introvert. 

You wrote a piece for Oprah Magazine about how coloring helps you cope with anxiety. As an introvert, how do you feel about opening up to others about your anxiety and sharing stories?

While I have had my share of struggles with mental health living here in New York, I haven’t really felt the need to keep those struggles close to the vest. I find that people are so open and honest about living and coping with their stress, depression, or anxiety here. Because of that candidness, I'm able to open up a lot more than I have in the past. New Yorkers always ask me where I'm originally from because of my Southern drawl, followed by, “ Who's your therapist?”. 

Back at home, in Georgia, I never expressed how difficult things were for me, not even with my family and close friends. That’s why I resorted to coloring and writing. “Southern hospitality,” as a badge of honor and culture, often made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to be sad in public or visibly anxious. It was bad manners. Only when I moved to New York and started seeking therapy is when I began to openly discuss burnout, my anxiety, and being self-conscious around strangers at social events. It’s been liberating to do that while incorporating coloring, journaling, and therapy into my everyday life. 

As a former reporter, you probably interviewed many personality types. What helped you get to the heart of a story? How did you get people to open up to you? 

I think many introverts tend to be great listeners. As a reporter, the key to getting people to open up is to listen. Some journalists are only concerned with the interview subject answering their prepared questions. Although I research and prep for all of my interviews, I try to keep my mind and ears open when I'm talking to people. I find it easy to focus on someone else and let them talk. Compliments always help to ease awkwardness and nervous tension. Bringing it back to my love of entertainment recommendations, I always try to ask subjects about what song or book currently motivates or inspires them. It’s definitely an ice breaker and conversation starter, especially for celebrities. 

Writing is an exhilarating and sometimes lonely passion. What do you wish you could help people understand about the life of a professional writer? 

You can be the most creative person in the world with a wealth of story ideas, but as a professional writer, you’re always at the mercy of someone other than yourself. As an introvert, that is the greatest challenge for me. Sometimes it's convincing an editor about a pitch. Other times it's having my writing judged by strangers and clicks. Very rarely is writing a solitary task. Sure, I can throw on my headphones, listen to music, and weave a narrative together to my heart’s content. But, eventually, those words will be published for the world to see, unless I’m writing in my private journal. It’s an extremely gratifying and terrifying activity, all at once. One minute, I’m anxious and having panic attacks about how my work will be perceived by others, telling myself I suck and threatening to quit. But then a positive comment, a "like" or retweet, or someone sharing my work, and I’m back on an emotional high again. This internal battle is what it's like being an introvert in an extroverted world.